Today, we will talk about ways to make time when you have no time.
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Main topic of the Show: Making Time When There Is No Time
I called a friend. He is very busy, overwhelmingly busy. He texted back - I will be driving in ten minutes. Ten minutes later, my phone rang. We chatted for fifteen minutes, then signed off. That is probably the last time I will hear from that friend on a phone call for a month.
He is that overcommitted. No more calls for a month at least. And yet he has time to spend with his family, to be alone, to get exercise and to work on hobbies. He has time to hear podcasts done by friends. He is probably listening to this one thinking, she is talking about me. Yes. I am.
Meanwhile, I have another friend. Her job is very demanding. She is frustrated because she is too tired when she gets up to do a few things for herself before she leaves and so mentally taxed when she gets home that all she has energy for is to eat some takeout, pour a glass of wine, pop on a video, and sit there until she falls asleep. Weekends are a rush of laundry and errands that never seem to get caught up. She managed to go see her friends and do fun things but feels a little guilty while she does because her garden is being ignored.
She is that overcommitted. She is exhausted. She is grumpy all the time. She hates her job and can’t wait to move on in a few years.
The funny thing about both these people is that they will hear this, they will probably know who they are, and that is a good thing. My first example in fact has more hours required of him professionally than the second example, and yet he has time to have some fun. He has time to nurture important relationships. He says no to so many things, including to things I as a close friend request of him, And he rarely complains about anything. He just does stuff.
My other friend spends lots of time worried about her failings, her lack of control and her backpedalling - which is leading her more deeply into the cycle of never having any time for anything.
I heard from both of these friends recently and it really got me to thinking about how we make time for things. It was a timely thing to run into because here I am, also with a very aggressive set of commitments (You’d be surprised how long it takes to produce a podcast of this nature) and a desire to build my next five years into increasing success with time to do things I love to do. Will I end up like my male friend, or my female one? I know which boat I want to be in and it seems to boil down to making time, not having it.
Now I have to say that I am not looking to end up like my former friend -- he spends way too many hours working and not enough hours sleeping. But there are things I can learn from him, and from the second example about setting myself up for success -- and I hope it will set you up for success too.
The important thing here is that when you work on making time for things that are important to you, is that you do it to have the kind of life you want, rather than to live up to someone else’s expectations of your life. And the keyword here is expectations.
We talked about boundaries last week. Setting clear boundaries with others results in clear expectations. Clear expectations reduce frustration -- at least for you. But to make time, you also need to set boundaries with yourself and make sure your expectations on yourself are clear.
So if you hear yourself telling people NO to invitations because you “don;t have time” or “can’t” - take a deeper look at what is going on. DO you really not have time, or do you prefer to do something else? Is it can’t or won’t. Even if the answer is that you are needed at work and don;t have time to go kayaking, the answer is better framed to yourself as “I refer to earn money than to go kayaking Wednesday at 10am” because by talking to yourself in this way, you are being honest about the tradeoff. I mean sure, kayaking Wednesday at 10am sounds fun, doesn’t it? But if you skip work you are giving up $100 or $1000 in income to do it, when you could just shift it to Saturday at 10am and both earn some money and have some fun. This is all about perspective and as you build the habit of taking responsibility for your tradeoffs, you will find that sometimes you choose not to earn the paycheck and rather to go to that wedding, or dig in the garden. Because when you own your tradeoffs, it is easier to see the value of what you are trading off.
So making time when you have no time starts with getting your perspective right, then setting better boundaries with yourself and everyone else. If a friend is a real friend, they can take a no. You can take a no too. And when you know why you are saying no to one thing and yes to another and it is absolutely clear to you which is the priority, it is easier to let go of the guilt, which in turn no longer slows you down. You will find that you used to say yes to lots of things that take time and that you both do not like doing, and that do not bring value into your life.
I know you are sitting here listening to this thinkin, but Nicole I really don;t have any time, I am too tired, or the demands of my family/job/homestead are too much. I really cant make any more time.
Oh yeah? Really. Then try this: Write down three things you want to have time for. It can be a walk. It can be organizing a cabinet in your kitchen. It can be writing something. Changing your oil. I don’t care what it is. Write it down. Tomorrow, set your alarm for 2 hours earlier than you usually get up. If you usually get up at 4, set it for 2. If you get up at 6, set it for 4. When it goes off do this:
Try this one time. Then do your day as normal and right after dinner, grab a piece of paper and reflect for 5 minutes on how your day went. I think you will be surprised. Making time takes tradeoffs -- in this approach you have traded 2 hours of sleep to complete one thing that you wanted to do and did not have time for. Turns out you did have time -- and sure, maybe you do not want to get up 2 hours early every day, but the method works even if for you the tradeoff ends up being becoming more efficient with your email answering time so that you get 45 minutes a day on the rowing machine, or eliminating interruptions while you pay bills each month which opens up half an hour to spend with your kids playing badminton.
The thing that you have to start with his this: You CAN make time and the buck stops with you to do it and today is a great day to start making this change.
Make it a great week!
GUYS! Don’t forget about the cookbook, Cook With What You Have by Nicole Sauce and Mama Sauce.
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